20.

Grad school finances freak me out. As in literally scary movie-style make me scared. This is a tiny detail, and that if God has supplied this far, he will continue to supply. But really, supply in the most serious of terms. I've started crunching some hard numbers and worrying. Because it's what I do. God is never late, but rarely is He early. This is know first hand. However I've come to that point again, another hiccup in the road, another barrier Satan has strategically placed in my way, where I start to worry. So here I am. Placing yet another REALLY HUGE PART OF THIS in Hands that brought it to be anyway.
But that doesn't mean I'm easily placing it there.

25 days and counting...

Where do I begin...I have an address! It's very weird, but it's very cool. It's a first floor apartment, with brand-new carpet...and it's mine. I get to put my things in it and I won't have to worry about anyone else, or their pooping dogs (you don't want to know). 25 days..that's it. I'm ready. Hand me the boxes and my keys, and let's do this! (Well, first, financial aid, can you send me my really large check that I'll be paying back to you and then some for a really long time? That would help tremendously.)
Emotionally, however, this is not quite my mindset. And today it's really real, for today it starts. Today is the first of my "goodbye date"s. I'm taking one of my clients that graduated from the ABA program in March (yeayy!!) to see Winnie the Pooh a) because he's one great little guy who I will, and do, miss and b) because I desperately want to see this movie! But it hit me driving home from church today...they're starting. The goodbyes, the "let's SERIOUSLY visit each other and not just talk about it", the "skype date!", the "let me know the next time you'll be in town"....you know the drill.  Their lives are going on without me, and some of these lives that I'm stepping out of, for however long, I've been invested in for quite some time. My life, too, will go on and no doubtingly change just like there's will.And somehow, I have to find it within myself to be ok with this.
I knew this was coming, I did. But was I ready for it to show up at my doorstep like this? Not quite.
Jesus never changes. And today, that's what I have to cling to. That, and a tiny 3-year-old hand.

Everything is beautiful: Busy-ness.

I have a tendency to complain. And moan. And whine. Often. So to "turn my worries into prayers" in a way, I have turned them into thanksgiving. I have a book on my desk I keep all of these in, but I decided that they should go here, too. It just seemed...fitting. 

I am busy. I feel like I say that all of the time. Mostly because I am. It's already July 6th, and what have I done with my summer? Worked.. What happened to "lets make the most memories with my last summer in the Fort while I can with those I love? Who knows. But it has almost entirely not happend (give or take a few random bursts of memory-making). I know I should be kicking back, enjoying, staying up late and getting up even later, but I have rarely stayed up past 10:30 and even more rarely slept in past 7:15. Out the door by 8 at the latest, home by 5 at the earliest. Real world, being grown up, responsibility, call it what you will, it's my life right now. 3  in-home therapy clients (2 of which are attending camps that they need aided at every week this summer), babysitting, observation hours, my brother's wedding preparation, maintaining relationships...I'm beat. 

However, today I stopped to look at it, as I caught myself wishing it all away and wishing I could "just be 22!!" (how often I've said this in exasperation from my ever-growing clutter central of a home office). And it was while I watched my calendar, my summer, and really life as I know it, fill up and disappear infront of me, I realized how truly blessed I am to be in a position where I can't squeeze a single thing into my weeks anymore. I'm working. I'm making money...fairly decent money for someone in my position. I have 3 wonderful clients who, although some days I'm convinced don't progress out of sheer spite, not capability, give me huge grins and heartfelt hugs when I leave, even after the toughest of therapy days. I have 5 beautiful children that I babysit for who, while I would love to have a Saturday night where I decide what I do, giggle and can't wait to show me how they're growing each time I see them, and who have parents who trust me and treat me so well. I'm observing speech therapy and seeing the wonderful effect it has on so many types of kiddos, and it does nothing but fuel my passion for what I love.

So yes, I'm busy. Always. And I may not be able to lay by the pool all day every day. But I'm provided for. And I get to fall into bed every night with an accomplished exhaustion. And I'm thankful.